I have never been so free in my life. If you ask me to summerize the experience of this particular day i would say only two words. Perfect balance. Somehow everything seems in perfect harmony. It almost feels like the end of the way at its very beginning.
I don`t have any hard feelings, any resentments, no regrets worth mentioning and here am i in the center of Budapest, one of the most beautiful capitals in the world starting the greatest journey of my life. Journey East.
Let me explain a little further.
I have or rather had what one might consider a normal life. Happy childhood, school, high school, University. After finishing my Masters in Biochemistry i was at the crossroads. Actually i wasn`t really. Options were there on the table. Having a nice career, exploring this and that, earning an ok sum of money to get by, probably having children at one point and so on, on till i`d go under. This prospect of knowing almost exactly where i was heading to deeply stirred my mind . I was asking myself the usual question.
“Ok, is that really it?” If the answer was yes, then i managed somehow to find the true Zen, the superior Truth or whatever name you can put to that which we all are seemingly journeying to. The problem was it just didn`t seem right. I just didn`t feel like a Supreme Planner of my Destiny. It felt more like being the tooth in a Swiss clockwork. An important part of something but nonetheless a part that can`t be considered as a condition sine qua non. Without which there is not. If the tooth brakes the wheels would still be turning and clock would still be running...
It might sound as an exaggerated statement but i somehow felt deprived of that which is so highly praised in western societies. Individuality. The feeling manifested as an ultimate futility of everything though i was still highly motivated to do whatever i was doing. And i love to do a lot of things. So, the next logical question is:
“Where do i go from here?”
I literally felt almost robotic, as a program that is about to be executed in a predetermined fashion. Where do i go to find that what is suppose to be human inside me? What soil should i choose for the seed of my consciousness? Should i just take what is within my grasp just because i happen to come to being in “this” here and now. What would happen if i change the “here” and find a different “now”?
I might be wrong in my so doing but hey tell me then who`s the reference? I soon found that pondering any further is useless.
After few months of thinking i just jumped without knowing if the net would appear.
And here i am, in Budapest. Breathing the first breaths of freedom as a journey planner. Journey where?
That`s what i`m about to find out.